Confession of a Shy Career Woman Living in Singapore: A Diary Abroad

I always envision myself as confident and a go-getter, a darling in the conference room. I imagine myself doing engaging presentations in red stilettos, impressing the bosses and colleagues for the research and effort involved.

I'd actively participate in team meetings; certain that what I say is valuable and if it's turned down, it's okay, I won't be easily offended. It's not about me but the idea brought on the table. 

I'd also socialize like it's no big deal because I believe in myself. And not only am I good at the social aspect but also the work that I do is equally valuable, bringing lots of profits to the company.

But it's all wishful thinking. When an opportunity presents itself, I chicken out! It happened last week...

Confessions of a Shy Career Woman Living in Singapore: A Diary Living Abroad

Our company's HQ is located here in Singapore. Our bosses and other team members work remotely but once or twice a year they fly to Singapore.

We had a big company event for customers and investors last week. I felt like a worm amongst butterflies to have meet executives and other important people in the business world. I don't belong. That's what I told myself over and over. Socializing is my Achilles heel.

To celebrate the success of the event, our company arranged a celebration party for the employees. It was held in Orgo Bar & Lab at Esplanade. Oh, it was an amazing location in one of Singapore's high-end districts. From there, you can enjoy views of Singapore's famous landmarks.

With a week packed of events and meetings, there will be lots of talking involved. It makes me self-conscious my feet are sweating; slipping inside my shoes.

Confessions of a Shy Career Woman Living in Singapore: A Diary Living Abroad

Outside, I put on my best hobnob face. Inside, was a nervous wrecked. I smiled. I laughed when others did. I responded when asked but never did a follow-up. I kept myself occupied so no one will approach. I shove lots of food to keep me busy. Words failed me. The other party might interpret it as rude; I'm so sorry for this show of faint-heartedness. It's a liability I carry.

So there I go, keeping my distance. I'm surprised the photographer caught my sidestep tactic. (lol) When the week was over, I was able to breathe again.

Well, It's not like I can't talk. It's just that I prefer communicating behind the safety of my computer walls. That's a language I'm familiar with. After all, I've been earning a living writing and testing software programs for half a decade.

Though, I admit I can't remain to be this shy career woman persona forever. How can I improve me, fix this low self-esteem problem, and boost my confidence? 

Confessions of a Shy Career Woman Living in Singapore: A Diary Living Abroad

If I want to be the confident, go-getter woman I kept imagining myself to be, I knew I had to change. Is change possible in the first place? That's up to me. 

I had to start somewhere. I had to start small. I had to replace the words I kept telling myself.

Do you find yourself in a similar situation? What did you do to overcome the shyness or timidity issue?