3 Tips To Deal With Envy

When was the last time you feel envious of someone? What did you do to handle the green-eyed monster looming in the background?

Did you fatten it with hatred, hostile attitude, ill will, and self-torture for not getting what you want? Pulling that person down and elevating yourself up so that you will feel better about your self?

Or did you push the emotion further back to the recesses of your hidden heart so nobody will notice, being extra careful of slip-ups?

Nah, you're better than that! Perhaps you were able to tame it and manage it well.

But why do we feel envy?

This is a question I've asked myself just this month. I'm embarrassed to admit to used to be a Negative Nelly with a crab mentality. I find it hard to celebrate someone's success because they remind me of all the things I'm falling short, of the things I lack, I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, tall enough. Blah. Blah. I'm just an imperfect, flaw-full cruse.

But if I want to become the best version of myself, I have to change. And in my persistent search to find answers to my enigmatic questions, I found solutions that help me manage them which I'm sharing with you in this post.

(Note: I'm not an expert in the field of human behavior. I'm simply a student of life who loves to ask questions. Whatever answers help me deal with my issues, I share it here on the blog, hoping it can help others too.)

3 Tips To Deal With Envy
[Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash]

So here they are. The 3 Tips For Dealing with Envy.

1. Dig down and locate the weeds.

The person you're envious of is not the source of your problem, it's inside you. It could be a wrong thought pattern, an attitude problem, a myopic habit of pulling others down, incessant excuses on why you can't, a plethora of insecurities or lack mentality.

You feel envious based on your interpretation of the world. This is a result of beliefs, mindsets, thinking. Adopt empowering ones that propel you to move forward!

Sure, it's not easy but possible. It might take time but perseverance is key.

To help you with this, look for a place you can be alone and ask questions. Do a self-inquiry. Dig down and locate the weeds.

My favorite method is journaling. It helps me better organize my thoughts.

Here are examples:

  • Why am I envious of this person? Because she's got something I don't have. How come? How did she do it? Perhaps I could emulate them. I know this person and if she can, I can do it too.

  • Why am I threatened with this person's achievement? Did I pigeonhole her as someone below me? This is wrong! She is never below me. No one is. She is my equal. And I know her. She is courageous. Brave. Bold. Determined. Hardworking. She deserves everything she's got. I will reach out to her to congratulate and wholeheartedly compliment her for who she is.

2. Regulate the feeling in a healthy way.

Here's the fact, you can't get rid of envy. It is an innate human emotion. It will always be a part of us. So when you feel envious of someone, the best thing is to do is regulate the feeling in a healthy way.

When you hurt yourself physically, you feel pain. This signals your brain something is wrong with your body so you'll have to apply healing ointment or go to the doctor to have yourself checked.

This is also true for our emotional pain. If you feel negative or pained by someone else's accomplishments, this tells you something is not right in your belief system or a thinking pattern. Thus, it needs to go. It needs change.

Have you ever ask why that person got to the place of enviable outcome while you haven't? Perhaps you've stopped doing something for your dreams while that person is busy reaching for theirs. Your feeling is simply telling you it's time to start moving forward than wallow in self-pity and drag others down.

It could also be that the right combination hasn't arrived for you yet. Persevere. And keep reinventing until you reached your desired outcome.

3. Use it to Fuel Your Growth

In the end, it is the person you become, not the things you achieve, that is most important.
~ Live Your Dreams: Say YES To Life by Les Brown

Instead of branding the feeling as negative, shameful, or whatnot, why not use them to fuel your growth? Or to prove to yourself you're capable of achieving your uphill battles just like that person who've triggered the feeling.

The people you're envious with are people you know. Sometimes we make excuses about why they can. Oh, they've always been an achiever since back then. Other times we question, "Why her?"

But that's the wrong question to ask. It should be, "Why not me? If she can, I can do them too."

Use that person's achievement to propel you to aim for your place on this earth, on your community, or your sphere of influence.

Someone else's success doesn't take away from you. There's more for everyone!

Feeding your gut-wrenching pain to monstrous attitudes will destroy your relationships. It won't do you any good. Use it to feed your dreams!

You may or may not believe in God. It doesn't matter! I'll share this verse in Genesis 1:28 anyway,
And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

The thing is, God has already declared the blessing over you. Question is, will you fill your place in this earth, subdue it and have dominion over your envious feelings, fears, and insecurities?

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