Why I Write? #COMPELplatformchallenge

(Note: This is my entry for @COMPELtraining #COMPELplatformchallenge)

I’ve envisioned myself confident and fluent in my command of the English language, yet, most of the time, I end up terribly inarticulate. (English is my third language.)

I confided about it to a friend once and she advised, “Girl, you’re no longer in the Philippines. When in Rome do as the Romans” a proverb attributed to St. Augustine. I look down on the floor wishing she was right, that I could miraculously snap out of my self-doubt and instantly transform my feeble command of English like that of a fearless, eloquent orator.

This inhibiting anxiety started out in the classroom when someone was called to read a paragraph in the book while the rest were laughing hysterically at the mispronunciations. I would never allow myself to be shamefaced like that in front of a crowd, I vowed. This then seeped its way to casual conversations.

Say, one cacology of mine is vocalizing the vowel ‘i’ to ‘e’. Instead of saying the word ‘fix’, others end up hearing it as ‘fex’. As you can imagine, that blunder would perk up the ears of the language police, imaginary or not.

When I moved abroad, Singapore, and met new friends, I make sure to stand further away during conversations so I don’t have to say anything, guarding my shame. This also happened when we (me and my husband) move to the US.

As I lost my voice, my confidence plummeted, deeper and darker, that I’d rather hide in a corner to read something, anything, than engage in endless chatter, which exhausts all my energy.

why i write

However, this all changed one night while composing a travel post for my uneventful blog. We were in a hotel in Niagara Falls. Read here.

As I’ve observed the mighty currents flowing below, punctuated by dancing colorful lights, the scenery spurred a rapid of revelation in my heart. “That’s it! I could write these unexpressed words on paper, or to an electronic document for that matter.

That’s how my writing journey began, though, I've written for years and years without a clear goal in mind. As I begin crafting my thoughts, the current of words aided me to find my voice once again, obtain my lost confidence.

The deliverance didn’t happen in a flash, it trickled little by little, a steady stream of progression until my enemies have turned into a footstool under my feet.

As Proverbs 37:6 says,

He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.

It says your liberation will happen like that of a sun traversing through the horizon from dusk to noon, darkness to light. Don’t misinterpret, I still believe in miracles, God can deliver you in a moment, by one prayer declaration, though this is an exception rather the rule.

Most of the time our deliverance happens little by little, word by word, first by 30%, 60%, persevering until 100%.


So our testimonies can become encouraging stories to others, coursing a stream of confident expectations of good. And that’s my goal for writing, drawing my readers' hearts closer, deeper to God’s.

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